Embers
by modernxxmyth
Summary: Def: the smoldering or glowing remains of a fire. "They were a team, and that wasn't changing just because they were back in the real world." Set after the series finale. Skate.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is a Skate fic through and through. After the crap we were handed in the finale, I just had to right things. There's no way that with Sawyer and Kate being the only surviving couple that they aren't going to have something going on off-island. So here's what happens. I really hope you guys like this. It's therapeutic to write, and it is a work in progress. It won't be too terribly long - probably just 5 or so chapters, but I've been feeling the intense need to right the wrongs of the writers. Skate is the greatest couple to ever be on that damn show, and it's not our fault that Darlton copped out. So, I figure I'll write my own ending. This is dedicated to my Skaters because we deserve better than what we've been left with. Enjoy. :)

**Disclaimer:** Lost is certainly not mine. And after what I saw in the finale, I wouldn't want to claim it was, either.

* * *

_**Embers**_

Part One

Kate clasped Claire's hand harder with every bout of turbulence. Everyone was tense, no one believing that they could have really gotten off the island. But they did. The plane was in the air and had been for almost an hour. They were really off the island. More time passed, and eventually Claire's tight grip on Kate's hand loosened as the blonde fell asleep.

Kate glanced sideways at Sawyer to observe him staring out the window, eyes wide.

She took a deep breath. "So how does it feel?"

Sawyer's head snapped towards her at the sound of her voice. "How does what feel?"

Kate attempted a smile, but didn't quite manage it. "Getting off the island. How does it feel?"

Sawyer shook his head. "It doesn't feel real. That's for damn sure. The real world is going to take some getting used to."

"It does have its perks," Kate stated. "Much better food. Clothes without bloodstains. Maybe I can finally get some bandages for this shoulder," she said with a wince.

"There's probably a first aid kit on board," Sawyer replied.

Kate nodded. "Probably. I don't feel like getting up, though," she said quietly.

Sawyer nodded. "Yeah. Listen, Kate," he started. "About Jack…"

Kate dug her fingernails into her palm at the mention of his name.

Sawyer continued, "I'm really sorry."

Kate blinked away the few stray tears that had managed to escape. She gulped. "Me too."

"You really loved him, huh?"

Kate sniffled quietly. "Yeah…I did."

Sawyer reached across the aisle and gave her hand a quick squeeze of condolence. "You should get some sleep. Your shoulder must hurt like a bitch. I know mine did."

Kate smiled softly. "Yeah. It does. And I feel like I could sleep for a year. If I'm not up in a few hours, wake me, will you?"

"You got it, Freckles."

* * *

When Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Miles, Richard, and Frank reached civilization again, Kate was beyond thankful for the diamonds Miles took from Nikki and Paulo. They needed the money to help cover everything up again. The majority of them were supposed to be dead, and Kate was never supposed to leave the state of California. They used the millions of dollars to cover things up, and the rest to make lives for themselves.

There was an unspoken agreement on the plane ride home that Kate and Sawyer would not split up. They were a team, and that wasn't changing just because they were back in the real world.

They spent their first few nights in a motel, Kate and Claire in one room, Miles and Sawyer in another. Richard and Frank roomed together, as well, and Frank began to teach Richard how to live in modern civilization, much to everyone's amusement.

It was over breakfast and coffee one morning, a few days after the return, when Kate turned to Sawyer and said, "So, James. I was thinking."

"Yeah, Freckles?" he turned to her. "Thinking what?"

She bit her lip. "New Mexico. We should move there. You, me, and Claire."

"We?" Sawyer raised an eyebrow, and Kate sighed.

"You're my friend, Sawyer. I don't want to lose you just because we're back in society."

"And New Mexico?" Sawyer asked. "This got anything to do with a mutual friend of ours? Well, not so much my friend as my bitter ex, but that's just the same."

Kate looked down at the table. "Maybe. I just think it would be good to live in the area. Incase you ever wanted to see your daughter."

Sawyer stiffened.

Kate tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You don't have to see her now, James. Or tomorrow or this month or this year. I just think it would be good to live in the area incase you ever wanted to get to know her. Miles has already paid off my parole officer…I don't have to live in California. I think it could be good. It's just an idea I had, is all."

Sawyer took a bite of his toast and put it back down on his plate. "Have you talked to Claire about it?"

"She seemed on board. She's terrified to be on her own with Aaron, so she's probably going to stay with me for a while. Not that I mind," Kate added, trying to blink away the sudden tears that had pulled in her eyes. "I've really missed him."

Sawyer took a sip of his coffee and nodded. "I know. At least you will get to be with him for a while."

"For a while, yeah," Kate sighed. "It's better than nothing at all. Then what have I got?"

"Well, Freckles, you're mighty lucky that I'm sticking around then, huh?"

Kate smiled the first smile Sawyer had seen since their return. "Yeah," she replied. "Very lucky."

* * *

In the end, they settled on Santa Fe. Sawyer hadn't wanted to move to Albuquerque – he had made that clear by freezing up every time Kate even mentioned the city. He was scared of running into Cassidy or Clementine before he was ready for it, and Santa Fe was only about an hour away. They searched around for houses and stayed in a hotel rooms for a few weeks. Just after making offers on two homes, Kate and Claire took a trip to Los Angeles. It was well past time to get Aaron back.

After having looked into it, Kate found that Mrs. Littleton was staying in the same hotel still, not having left for Australia yet.

The reunion was tearful. Claire hadn't known that her mother had come out of her coma until Kate told her after returning to civilization. Aaron was asleep when they arrived, and Kate sat awkwardly through the mother and daughter reunion. Mrs. Littleton regarded Kate with disdain, but Claire told Kate that she would come around.

Claire glanced at Kate. "Do you think we should wake him up or let him sleep?"

Kate bit her lip. "We can wake him, I think. He's usually good about falling back to sleep."

Claire nodded. They walked into the next room quietly. The second Kate saw Aaron, she burst into tears.

Claire turned to Kate with surprise. "He's so big," she whispered with awe. "This is really him? This is really my son?"

Kate sniffled and nodded, "That's your son. That's Aaron."

As the pair of women approached, Aaron stirred from his sleep, grabbing at his stuffed penguin with his tiny hands. His eyes blinked open slowly, and he turned to see Kate.

"Momma?" his words were tired and soft, and they sent Kate into another bout of sobs.

Kate picked Aaron up out of his bed and pulled him into an embrace. "Hi, baby."

Claire stood awkwardly at Kate's side, a million emotions displayed on her face. She didn't know what to say.

Kate stroked Aaron's hair and began to speak, "Aaron, this woman here is Claire. She's your momma, and she loves you very much. We're all going to live together, okay?"

Aaron's little eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "You're my momma."

Kate sniffled. "I know, baby. But Claire's your momma, too, okay? And I'll bet she would really like it if you called her that."

Kate looked at Claire and spoke in a hushed tone, "Is that okay? I can start having him call me something else, if you like…it's just what he knows me as…"

Claire nodded. "It's fine, Kate. He doesn't know me. Maybe he should just call me by my first name…" she said, unsure.

Kate shook her head. "You're his mother, Claire. I know how much you love him. He will, too. Eventually. Do you want to hold him?"

At Claire's hesitant smile, Kate passed the child onto Claire, who hoisted him onto her hip. She was speechless.

Aaron rubbed his little eyes and spoke to Claire, "Hi, momma."

Claire wiped a stray tear from her eye. "Hi, Aaron."

And for a moment, the three felt complete.

* * *

Over the course of the next month, Kate, Claire, and Sawyer got settled into a small neighborhood on the outskirts of Santa Fe, having purchased houses right next door to each other.

Sawyer spent the vast majority of his time over at Kate and Claire's, obviously yearning for company.

"So how is this all gonna work?" Sawyer asked Kate over a glass of wine. Ever since returning to civilization, Sawyer had started bringing wine over often. After three years of '_that boxed Dharma shit,_' Sawyer had become a bit of a bottled wine enthusiast.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"The whole Aaron thing? What's he call you?"

"For now, at least, he's going to keep calling me 'mom.' But he's calling Claire the same thing."

"Isn't that going to get confusing?"

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. Maybe we'll have him call us 'Momma K' and 'Momma C.'"

Sawyer smirked. "That what same-sex parents do?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Hell if I know. Probably."

Sawyer opened his mouth, but Kate cut him off.

"And _don't_ make another lesbian joke about me and Claire."

Sawyer grinned. "What do you want me to say? It'd be hot."

Kate rolled her eyes again and took a sip of her wine. "How are you liking Santa Fe so far?"

Sawyer shrugged. "It's alright. It's hot. Some pretty good scenery, though."

"Do you miss it?" Both knew what she was talking about.

"Hell no," Sawyer replied easily.

"James," Kate said quietly, pleadingly.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I guess so. A little. It was home for over three years."

Kate nodded. "If you ever want to talk about anything…well, you know where to find me."

Sawyer finished off his glass of wine and stood up to leave. "Same goes for you, Freckles."

They parted ways.

* * *

End of Part One.

Hope you enjoyed. Please review. There's more to come!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews! I'm proud of getting this chapter up so quickly (trust me, this is quick for me). Hope you enjoy. :)

**Disclaimer:** Really? I wouldn't need to write a fanfic righting the wrongs of the writers if I owned Lost.

* * *

_**Embers**_

**Part Two**

Two months passed in the blurriest of manners. It took a while for reality to sink in for the former castaways. Kate had adjusted the quickest, which made sense, having already left the island once. She was the one who generally got everyone's affairs in order. Claire and Sawyer took longer. Sawyer was still adjusting to life in present day, and Claire was still adjusting to actual running water and the luxury of a hairbrush.

It was early one morning, and Claire had just made Aaron breakfast when he called Kate by her first name instead of "momma."

He had not been asked to, and it had just slipped out. Having two moms was confusing. Kate tried with much difficulty to brush it off as though it was nothing, but she exited the room quickly and quietly immediately after the incident.

After putting Aaron in his room to play, Claire followed after Kate and knocked quietly on her door.

Kate sniffled, pulled herself together, and spoke clearly, "Come in."

Claire entered the room hesitantly and sat down next to Kate on her bed.

"Kate…" she paused. "I promise I didn't tell Aaron to call you that. You don't think that I did, do you? I don't know why he called you that."

Kate wiped a stray tear. "I know. I know. I didn't think you did…he's probably just confused about what to call us still. It's a confusing situation. It's just…hard."

Claire nodded. "Do you want me to talk to him about it? Do you want to talk to him about it?"

Kate shook her head. "Leave it be. Let's be realistic here, Claire. You're his mother. I was just the replacement. Eventually, you're going to take him and leave, and he won't know me anymore. I'll be a distant memory."

"That's not true. I don't know what's in the future, but you will always be part of his life. Whether it be as his mom or his cool Aunt Kate. You're his family. You always will be. And I don't plan on going anywhere right now, so there's no need to get upset."

Kate sighed. "You will leave at some point, though. You know it's true."'

Claire looked down. "Probably. But I don't know what's going to happen, so let's not worry about it, okay?"

Kate nodded heavily. "Yeah."

"I do have a question, though…this is probably a bad time, in retrospective, but…I'm thinking of going to visit my mum in L.A. and I was hoping to take Aaron with me. It would only be a few days. What do you think?"

"I think that's great, Claire."

"Really?" the blonde grinned. "You're sure?" It would only be a few days, like I said."

"It sounds like a great idea," Kate said quietly, trying to believe it.

"Great! Do you want some breakfast? Aaron's already eaten, but I was going to make some waffles…"

Kate smiled softly. "Sure."

* * *

One week later, Claire packed up some of her and Aaron's things and left for a long weekend in California.

"Don't forget to call," said Kate, pulling Claire into a brief hug after packing the luggage in the taxi.

"We won't," Claire replied.

Kate turned to Aaron and pulled him into a tight hug and whispered, "Goodbye, baby. Have fun, okay? I'll see you when you get back."

"Bye, momma," Aaron responded and gave her a wet kiss on the cheek.

At that moment, Sawyer stepped outside his house to grab the morning paper.

He approached them and grinned. "Well, what's going on here? Claire ain't moving, is she?"

"Just a weekend trip," Claire replied.

"Good. Wouldn't want you breakin' up the trio. Plus, I heard Miles was coming around to visit you soon." He winked.

Claire rolled her eyes and got into the cab with Aaron. She spoke out the window, "Have a good weekend, you two."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes and smirked. "We'll be sure to do that."

As the taxi drove off, Kate turned to Sawyer, "You want to come inside?"

"Lead the way, Freckles."

* * *

The pair spent the day doing things they assumed normal friends would do. They watched television, they made lunch, and they refused to talk about the past. They tried so hard to stay in the tiny boxes they had fit each other in.

They'd become good at pretending the past three months after returning back to the real world. Neither of them knew what else to do. Discussing the island would make their situation too raw and too real. It was simpler to coexist as normal friends. Like they were normal next door neighbors who talked about the weather and wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.

Being anything else in each other's lives would be too close for comfort.

There were little moments here and there, however, where reality would seep in. They tried to keep it at bay as much as possible, but they couldn't keep everything back. Their natural spark always had been a bit of a problem-causer.

Little bits and pieces of their past wormed their way in. Sawyer pretended not see the picture of Jack and Aaron on the end table next to him as they sat together on the couch, staring aimlessly on the T.V. When there was a commercial advertising an island getaway location, they both looked away from the sandy shores.

They watched whatever was on the screen, never truly looking at it. Time passed, and Kate turned to Sawyer. "Do you want some dinner?"

"Sure," Sawyer replied. "What ya got?"

Kate opened the refrigerator and bit her lip. "Not much, apparently. Beer, white wine, and…some very questionable celery. Take-out it is, then."

Sawyer grinned. "Now that's one thing I've really missed."

"What? Take-out?"

"Hell yeah," Sawyer responded. "Having food brought to you of any variety you choose? That is something to be missed."

Kate shrugged. "I guess so. I've never been one to order a lot of take-out. It's harder to find vegetarian options."

"Freckles, stop calling yourself a vegetarian. I've seen you eat boar on multiple occasions."

Kate laughed quietly. "Yeah, well…it had to be a bit part-time back then. I needed to get my protein somehow. So what do you want? Pizza? Chinese?"

"Surprise me," Sawyer responded with a grin.

After ordering a pizza, half pepperoni and half cheese, Kate meandered back into the room den, carrying a six pack of beer.

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "Well then."

Kate shrugged. "What do you want from me? I like beer, and its good quality."

"Looks like it," Sawyer responded. "It even comes in a bottle, not a can. Seems pretty fancy to me."

"Yeah," Kate started, "well after three or so years of canned Dharma beer, I figured you should give a new brand a chance."

Sawyer shrugged. "If you say so." He ran a hand through his hair. "Old habits die hard."

Kate laughed a little breathlessly at that. "Yes, they do."

Both of them knew they were talking about each other, but neither of them would voice it.

"For instance," Sawyer cleared his throat, "Us drinking together would qualify."

Kate cocked her head sideways. "I guess so."

"A little game of 'I Never' ringing any bells?" Sawyer questioned.

They were reaching dangerous territory, and both of them knew it.

"Just a few," Kate replied quietly, taking a sip of her beer.

The pizza arrived a few minutes later, and the pair dug in.

"I'd almost forgotten how good pizza could be when it's not from frozen," Sawyer commented.

Kate snorted, starting on her third beer. "I know I didn't have to eat it as long as you, but that Dharma food really was crap."

"Better than fish, boar, and fruit for three years," he replied.

The alcohol was helping both of them talk about the island in a way that had seemed previously off-limits.

Sawyer scooted his chair closer to Kate's and leaned towards her.

Kate's breathing hitched.

"You have a little sauce," Sawyer extended his finger toward her face and slowly wiped a touch of sauce off her bottom lip, "_There_."

Kate let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.

Sawyer licked the bit of sauce off his finger and smirked. "All better."

Kate stood up from her chair. "I need another beer. Do you want one?"

"Sure thing, Sassafras." He got up and helped clear the table of the pizza box and dishes. "So when's Claire gonna be back?"

"Monday evening, I think," Kate replied. "I'll have to double check."

"How are you doing with all of this?"

"With what?" Kate asked a little too casually.

"Claire and Aaron. It can't be easy, Freckles."

Kate sighed and took a swig of her beer. "It's not. The situation is so complicated…Claire and I talked about a week ago, and I know that this whole thing…this co-parenting two moms thing is only temporary."

She jumped up and sat on her kitchen counter, beer in hand.

Kate continued, "Eventually, she's going to take him for good. She's going to want to go back to Australia. This isn't her home. I know she misses it there. I know it's where she wants to raise him. I feel like the only reason she's still here is for me, and I don't want that. I want Aaron _so badly_, but he's hers. He was never mine to have. And I know that sooner or later he's going to be gone. That's really hard to accept."

Sawyer nodded in response. "I'm sure he'll be in your life one way or another. Claire doesn't want to take Aaron away from you, Kate."

"I know she doesn't," she responded quietly. "But eventually it's going to happen. It's only natural, really. But I hate it. I hate it so much. He's always been my band-aid, you know? He fixed the hole that…that has been there for a while."

She didn't dare admit that it was the hole that Sawyer left. Or the hole that Jack now left.

The pair drank their beers in pregnant silence. There was so much to say. So much left unsaid. They were playing with fire, and they both knew it. Both of them would get burned eventually.

"James…" Kate whispered. "Would you mind staying tonight?"

Sawyer raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Not like that," Kate added hastily. "It's just…Claire's gone, and I don't exactly feel like being alone. You can take her room. I've always been a loner, but I've never been good at it," she added ruefully.

Sawyer chuckled. "Sure thing, Shortcake."

They spent a little more time finishing off their beers and decided to go their separate ways off to bed. Kate showed Sawyer to Claire's room and got him a fresh set of sheets.

"Bathroom's right there," Kate jerked her head to a door on their left. "You know where my room is if you need anything."

Sawyer nodded.

"Sleep well, James."

Sawyer gave her a penetrating gaze. "You too, Freckles."

* * *

Back in her room, Kate changed into her pajamas and got ready for bed. As she got under the covers, she finally allowed herself to feel again.

The night, though enjoyable, had taken a toll on her. Talking about everything so casually was difficult. So much had happened. So many bad things. It was killing her, but she didn't want to talk about it. Sawyer didn't want to hear about Jack, and he certainly wouldn't want to talk about Juliet. She couldn't talk to Claire about it. She had become a good friend, but there were some things that just couldn't quite be discussed.

It was easier for Kate not to talk about it. If she didn't speak of it, it wasn't real. Not really.

But it was real. There was a picture of Jack with Aaron on an end table next to the family room couch that Kate hadn't been able to part with. Seeing it everyday was a painful reminder of what she had lost, but she couldn't make herself put it away.

The pain she tried not to show was slowly but surely starting to eat away at her. Kate wondered idly if it was the same for Sawyer – he'd never had the chance to properly mourn Juliet.

Kate tried with all her might not to cry, but the alcohol was getting the best of her, and tears began to fall in rapid succession. It was all too much. Juliet, Jack, Aaron…it was piling up and weighing on her heavily. She stifled a sob with her pillow and allowed the pent up tears to fall.

There was a sudden knock on the door, and Sawyer entered the bedroom saying, "Hey Kate, where do you keep your…"

He broke his sentence off at the sight of her.

Kate quickly wiped her cheeks of stray tears and tried to calm herself. "Um…sorry, what were you looking for?"

Sawyer shook his head and sat down next to her on her bed. "Doesn't matter. What's goin' on, Freckles? I ain't _that_ bad a houseguest, am I?"

Kate let out something in between a laugh and a sob.

"No," she replied. "It's just…you know. It's all starting to get to me."

"What is?"

"The pretending. Not thinking about the island. The fact that I'm going to lose Aaron. And…" she bit her lip.

Sawyer finished for her. "And the doc?"

Kate nodded silently.

"I know you miss him, Kate. It's gotta be hard. It's been hard for me after losing Jules…I figure you're goin' through the same thing, huh?"

"Yeah," she replied.

"I know we're not ones for sharing our feelings and whatnot, but I'm always here to talk."

Kate sniffled. "Thanks, Sawyer. Sorry I'm such a mess."

"Obviously you didn't see me holed up in my Dharma house, clutching a bottle of liquor after you left the docks a few days after what happened with Juliet. I was drunk for 24 hours straight. This?" he gestured towards her. "This is nothing."

Kate grabbed Sawyer's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I'm sorry about Juliet."

Sawyer nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Me too, Freckles. Me too."

"I know Jack and I were never able to work things out for a reason," Kate said after a moment. "We probably never would have worked. But that doesn't make this any easier. I still loved him. Even when he treated me like shit, I still loved him."

"I know how that is," Sawyer replied. "You know…Juliet and I actually broke up before she died."

"Seriously?" Kate asked, puzzled.

Sawyer nodded. "On that same day. She tried to end things. Thought we wouldn't work anymore."

"Why?"

Sawyer looked her in the eye meaningfully. "I think you can guess."

Kate blinked slowly and looked down at her lap. "Oh."

She didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah," Sawyer responded gruffly.

"You were a bit of problem with Jack and I, too," Kate admitted quietly.

"How's that?"

"I was doing that favor for you…the money for Clementine…and he got jealous. I wouldn't tell him what I was doing because it wasn't his place. He wasn't too happy about it. That was right around when the drinking started. I think that he was afraid he could never live up to you. Then we self-destructed."

Sawyer digested the information in silence.

Kate squeezed Sawyer's hand.

He turned to Kate, an amused smirk on his face. "You, me, Jack, Juliet…we were quite the incestuous bunch, weren't we?"

Kate laughed. "We really were. You and me…then Jack and Juliet…then you and Juliet…and me and Jack. It's a little ridiculous, honestly."

"I guess we just wanted to complicate things. Spice it up a bit."

"Oh, was that the reason?" she asked with a grin.

"Yep," he replied. "Must've been. Feelin' any better?"

"A bit," Kate smiled. "Thanks."

"Anytime. My services are offered 24 hours a day, and I'm located just next door. Pretty convenient if you ask me."

"I'd say so," she replied. "We should both get some sleep. It's late."

"Sounds good."

Sawyer leaned in to press a kiss to Kate's cheek, but her head turned slightly, and their lips met, brushing gently against each other's.

Kate pulled away quickly, eyes wide and apologetic. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Sawyer blinked slowly. "Don't apologize."

"Why not?" Kate asked.

He pressed his lips against hers in response. Kate drew her body into his, grabbing at the back of his head as Sawyer caught her lower lip between his teeth.

It had been so long since they last kissed – over three years. The last time she had felt his lips against hers was on the chopper, just before he jumped to save her.

It felt just like old times, kissing Sawyer again. Old times turned new. His mouth tasted like beer as his tongue grazed hers hungrily. The spark was still there. It had never really faded to begin with – they'd failed to subdue it even when they were with different people. Now, back in each others arms, the embers of the fire they'd never quite let die out ignited with fuller force.

After another moment of lips moving desperately against lips and hands tangled in each other's hair, they pulled apart, panting heavily.

Kate looked at Sawyer through heavy-lidded eyes and spoke, "That was…"

"Intense," he finished for her.

"Yes," she replied, taking a deep breath. "Very intense."

The pair was silent for a moment, unsure of what to make of the situation.

Kate spoke up after a minute, "That probably shouldn't happen again."

Sawyer did his best to hide his disappointment.

Kate continued, "It's just…we're both still getting over our loved ones, you know? I was just crying over Jack a few minutes ago, and I know how much you miss Juliet."

Sawyer ran a hand through his golden hair. "You're right. Too soon."

Kate swallowed the lump in her throat. "Exactly."

Sawyer brushed a loose strand of hair out of Kate's eyes and tucked it behind her ear.

Kate bit her lip. "We should get some sleep."

Sawyer nodded, leaned in, pressed a gentle kiss to Kate's forehead and headed to the room's exit.

Kate grabbed a fistful of her sheets and held on tightly.

Sawyer turned to look at her from the doorway, drinking her in.

He spoke in a gruff voice, "Goodnight, Freckles."

* * *

End of Part Two

Hope you enjoyed. Review, please! I hope nothing seemed rushed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken such a ridiculously long time to get this done! Since the end, I really haven't waited to think about the travesty of an ending, so by-proxy, my fic suffered. I'm sorry! But I'm back and writing again. I promise.

* * *

_**Embers**_

**Part Three**

Kate's remaining time with Aaron moved much faster than she would have preferred. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months much faster than she ever would have imagined. Suddenly, it had been nearly five months since they left the island. Claire had adjusted to normal life again, and was as self-sufficient as ever. She didn't need Kate anymore, as much as she pretended that she did. She was taking care of Aaron mostly on her own, only depending on Kate when she wanted a break – not _needed_ one. It was like Claire was the mother, and Kate was the babysitter. It hurt Kate for it to be that way, but it seemed it was the best option. If she didn't distance herself now, it would be even worse later.

One night, late into the evening, Claire approached Kate.

"Kate…I need to talk to you."

The brunette sighed. "Is this about what I think it's about?"

Claire tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Probably."

Kate refused to look her in the eye. "So when are you leaving?"

"Is three weeks okay? I can make other arrangements if I need to..."

Kate continued to examine her shoes. "That sounds fine, Claire."

The blonde's voice broke. "I'm really sorry, Kate. I just…I miss home. You can understand that, right? You don't think what I'm doing is wrong?"

Kate finally met her eyes. "No, no…I understand. I get it. You're his mother. You want to raise him in Australia. Of course you do, it's your home. This isn't. It's fine. I'll be okay. It's just…well, it's not easy, Claire. It's really, _really_ difficult, because I don't want to give him up. He was mine, and now he's yours, and there's nothing I can do about it. You're his mother, and I never was. I'm sorry."

"You were," Claire replied simply.

"What?"

"You were," Claire repeated. "You were his mother, Kate. In a lot of ways you still are. I'm sorry how this is all working out. I'm sorry that this is the way it has to be. All the time you spent raising him…this doesn't negate that. Not in the least. You were his mother. You raised him, and now I'm going to. But he's never going to be out of your life. I promise you that, Kate. We'll visit. We'll visit, and you'll visit, and it won't be like you never see each other. I promise. We'll make it happen, whatever it takes. Okay?"

Kate nodded solemnly. "Alright, Claire." She paused. "I'm going to head next door for a little bit, alright?"

"Okay," Claire replied. "I really am sorry, Kate."

"I know, Claire," she replied. "I am, too."

Kate knocked on Sawyer's door a few minutes later, biting her lip anxiously.

"Well, howdy," he greeted her, opening the door for her to come inside.

"Hey," she replied stiffly.

"Everything alright, Freckles?" Sawyer's words were casual, but his concern was obvious.

Kate forced a small smile. "I've been better. How are you?"

"I'm alright," he replied easily, ushering her into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of wine.

Looking at the bottle, Kate spoke up, "Got anything stronger?"

Sawyer raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He retrieved a bottle of whiskey and glasses. He poured two drinks and passed one to her.

Kate unsuccessfully tried to sip it slowly. Several minutes passed in silence, and she finished her drink. She passed the glass back to Sawyer for a refill and finally decided to speak.

"Claire's taking Aaron and moving to Australia."

Sawyer frowned. "When?"

"Three weeks."

Sawyer grunted, obviously displeased. He took a sip of his drink. "Do you need anything?"

Kate shook her head. "Just company. And maybe some more whiskey."

He chuckled under his breath and nodded, passing her the bottle for whenever she wanted it.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"Anytime. I live next door for a reason."

"Yeah?" Kate replied, voice hoarse. "So I can come over and drink your booze anytime I want?"

Sawyer smirked, dimples prominent. "Yep. That's exactly why."

"Ah," Kate replied. "And here I was, thinking you just wanted to live near your friend."

"Nah," Sawyer replied sarcastically. "That'd just be silly."

Kate smiled, unforced. It wasn't a very large smile, but it was a smile, nonetheless.

Sawyer beamed. "There's my favorite smile. Feeling any better?"

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. A little, yeah. It's going to be hard."

"I know, Freckles. I'll be right next door."

"Promise to stay there for a while?"

"Until you ask me to leave. Sound good?"

"Yes," Kate replied a little too wistfully.

Sawyer swallowed the last of his drink, and Kate watched as his adam's apple bobbed. His tongue flicked out to wipe any remaining alcohol off his lips, and Kate's breathing hitched. She couldn't seem to take her focus off of his mouth.

"Kate…" Sawyer droned when he saw the look in her eyes. He knew the look well. She'd given it to him many a time before.

Kate bit her lip. "Hmm?"

"I know that look. I'm not sure that would be the best idea right now…"

Kate walked towards him and closed the remaining space between them. She pressed her chest against his and let out a tiny sigh.

"Are you really going to turn me down?"

Sawyer looked contemplative. "Are you just using me for sex to make yourself feel better?"

"No," Kate admitted quietly. His breath was hot on her neck.

"Well then," Sawyer replied, "I am certainly not going to turn you down, Freckles."

He brushed a stray hair from her face, leaned in, and captured her lips with his.

"Walk of shame?" Claire asked, amused, when Kate didn't make it back home until early in the afternoon the next day. Her hair was sex-mused, and she looked a little too pleased after the day prior's painful events.

"Well…I wouldn't exactly call it _shameful_…but your implications are certainly correct. Where's Aaron?"

"Watching cartoons. Back to Sawyer, now. Do you know what it means? Are you guys…together now?"

"No. Maybe. I don't really know." Kate chewed on her lip nervously. "I guess I should probably talk to him about it?"

Claire nodded her head. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

Kate went over to Sawyer's house that evening with the intent of talking to him about things – where they stood, what they were doing, if they were going to keep doing it…

Naturally, within five minutes of her arrival, they'd ended up back in bed.

Gasping for breath and coming down from a euphoric high, Kate turned her head to look at him.

"Um…so I actually came here to talk about…this," she gestured between the two of their naked bodies with her hand.

Sawyer grabbed her hand, encasing her small dainty palm with his larger, rough hand.

He spoke gruffly, "You come to tell me it's a bad idea?"

Kate shook her head. "No. Just trying to figure out exactly what the hell we're doing here."

"I was wonderin' the same thing, myself."

"Come to any conclusions?" she asked.

"Did you?" he replied.

Kate sighed. "I don't know. Are we just fucking or is there something more going on here?"

Sawyer scratched his stubbly chin for a contemplative moment. "I'm going to leave that up to you."

Kate's jaw dropped open. "Seriously?"

"Quite serious, Freckles. I'm alright with either. It's up to you. You don't have to decide now. But I'm leaving it up to you."

"But…you're not even going to give me your input? Seriously?"

"Up to you."

Kate let out a noise of frustration. "You are absolutely ridiculous, James."

Sawyer smirked. "I try."

Of course, Kate couldn't make up her mind. Oh, she knew what she wanted. She just didn't know if she was ready to deal with the consequences of what she wanted. Kate wanted Sawyer. Of course she did. She'd wanted him a hundred times before and probably always would. It wasn't just lust – she really did want to be with him.

She'd loved him on the island, and she'd never really stopped. But things were much more complicated than that.

There were Jack and Juliet to think about. Sure, they were gone. Sure, they weren't coming back. But their memories lingered, and Kate and Sawyer had both been through huge losses. She wasn't sure she could handle the pain of losing Sawyer, too.

It would be easier and safer to remain nothing but friends. So they'd kissed a few times and slept together twice – they could come back from that, couldn't they?

Kate sighed. She didn't _want_ to come back from it. But she didn't want the complications of it all, either. Being with Sawyer would mean accepting that Jack was gone. It would mean that the feelings she had for Sawyer – that she still had after all these years – were real. If she was with Sawyer, the feelings would become tangible, and she would have to deal with them. Sex she could play off as lust. She could play it off as a means to an end. But being together would be an admission of feelings. Genuine feelings that she'd been trying for a long time to pretend weren't there.

But they were.

And that fact scared the hell out of Kate.

Three weeks went by a lot quicker than Kate ever anticipated. She dropped Claire and Aaron off at the airport herself on the fateful afternoon.

Aaron didn't understand what was going on. Kate tried for the life of her to explain – that he and Mommy C were taking a trip to Australia, and that they were going to stay there. That she would see him again, but not as often as they saw each other now. That they could talk on the phone, and Mommy K would visit him whenever she could. That from now on, it was going to be Mommy C and Aaron. And Kate would be on her own.

But Aaron didn't understand. Not really. He cried at airport security and begged to be held by Kate. Kate cried right with him. She told him that she loved him and that she would never stop. That it was time for him to go. Kate and Claire said goodbye tearfully, promising to talk all the time. The words meant nothing, and Kate new it. She would miss her friendship. Claire thanked Kate for everything. Kate nodded silently in reply and didn't trust herself to speak again.

Aaron cried himself into exhaustion, and Claire had to carry him through the metal detector.

With one final wave goodbye, they were gone.

Kate had to pull over on the drive home, just so she could sit and cry. She cried for a long time. Five minutes turned into fifteen, and fifteen turned into forty. By the time she pulled into her driveway that evening, she was out of tears. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her skin was sticky and stiff from the dried tears. She felt almost numb. She walked inside her house, and put her keys on the coffee table. Just as she was about to sit down, there was a knock on her front door.

Kate sighed. Were visitors really necessary right now? She ignored the visitor, hoping they would think she wasn't home. But the knocker was persistent, and the banging continued. Scowling, Kate headed to the door and answered.

It was Sawyer. He had a bottle of wine in one hand and Chinese take-out in the other.

"Hey," he said in a gruff voice. "I figured you could use a friend."

Kate nodded and opened the door wide for him to enter.

She took the wine from him, headed into the kitchen, and poured two glasses. Hers was quite a bit larger than his. They stood together in silence, each sipping their wine. Kate stared at her tile flooring as she drank. Half-way through her glass, she sniffled.

"You wanna talk about it?" His words were soft.

Kate shook her head, still looking down. She finished off her glass of wine but didn't move to pour another.

Sawyer spoke again, "I'm sorry."

Kate looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "I thought sorry didn't suit you."

He held back a scoff and held her gaze. "That was then. This is now."

Kate wanted to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. She stared at him for a long moment. Eventually, she walked towards him and leaned against his body, pressing her face into his neck. Sawyer exhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around her.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Kate spoke up for the first time since he'd arrived.

"Thank you."

Sawyer rubbed a hand up and down her back soothingly. "No problem, Freckles."

Kate pulled away just enough to kiss him softly on the lips. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that I haven't really given you an answer about what I want, but…would you, you know, if you don't mind, would you stay tonight?"

"'Course I will."

She kissed him again.

Kate spent her night giving in to her more passionate desires with Sawyer – his hands everywhere, causing her to tremble with even the gentlest of touches. They both eventually fell asleep after several hours of love-making, stark naked and wrapped up in nothing but each other.

* * *

End of Part Three.

Review, please. I could use a pick-me-up after the week I've had.


End file.
